My Heart of Darkness
by einfach mich
Summary: Edward's first time, and Bella's last. An entry for the Beyond the Pale contest. WARNING: EXTREME DISTURBING CONTENT! NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART  OR STOMACH . NO WUSSPERVS ALLOWED!


**Beyond the Pale Contest**

**Title:** My Heart of Darkness**  
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**Pen Name:** Einfach Mich**  
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**Characters: **Edward and Bella**  
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**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything related to this story - all copyright and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners.

**Image that Inspired You: **Four**  
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**To see other entries in the Beyond the Pale Contest, please visit the C2 page:**

**http : / / www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net / community / Beyond_the_Pale_Contest_Entries / 83159 /

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**{{{{{{{WARNING}}}}}}**

** THIS IS AN EXPLORATION INTO AN UNCONVENTIONAL MIND, AND THE FEELINGS EXPRESSED DO NOT REFLECT UPON THE AUTHOR (MUCH). IF YOU HAVE A WEAK STOMACH, OR ARE OPPOSED TO BEING COMPLETELY DISTURBED, DO NOT READ THIS FIC.  
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**{{{{{{{WARNING}}}}}}**

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"Can you feel it?" I can barely say the words, I'm shaking so hard.

"Yes," her voice waivers for a second, and I tense a little more. "It's so cold."

"I'm sorry," I apologize, my voice cracking a little, and I start to move back.

"No...you promised," she insists, her thin fingers gripping my shoulders, and her nails dig into my skin. The raw need in her dark eyes captivates me, even as the pain sends waves of pleasure through me.

"Are you sure?" I ask for the millionth time, but I have to be certain.

My own desire is so intense and overwhelming that I'm worried that she's doing this for me; that her generous nature is motivating her to give me this gift. The weight of guilt doesn't outweigh my need, but for her I would stop. I would do anything for her, after all that's what you do when you're in love. Isn't it?

"Yes, Edward please," she whispers in a strangled sob. The wet desperate sound tugs at something deep inside me.

A strange pain blooms to life in my chest as I witness the slow breakdown of her carefully constructed facade. Gone is the darkness that usually shadows her eyes and the tight, angry frown that twists her full lips. Now, all that remains of that strong, beautiful fury of a girl are her lovely scars; thick fingers of angry pink tissue pinches her skin of her arms and thighs. The smooth stretched skin seems to glimmer in the dim moonlight. It's beautiful, and so is she.

"Okay," I finally concede, pressing against her body, and close my eyes.

There's a brief moment of resistance. She tenses, and takes a quick breath through her teeth, as I increase the pressure. Her body gives way, and we both gasp as I slide inside her, enveloped in wet warmth. She surrounds me with her pulsing, tight heat.

"Oh god!" She chokes, her eyes squeeze shut, a pained expression transforming her face.

I hesitate, my mind spinning.

"Bella," I blurt out her name, desperate for her permission to press further, even as my whole body trembles with the need to continue.

"Don't stop Edward, no matter what happens," she speaks in a low growl, her eyes open to stare at me.

Even now, as she lies open and vulnerable beneath me, I'm the weaker one. I lean down to brush my lips over hers, pressing further into her, and delight in the whimper it drives from her.

"I swear," I promise, flicking my tongue across her trembling mouth, and slide my hand over her lips.

Leaning back on my heels, I change the angle of my arm. I twist my wrist, feeling her body give way a little more. With each small thrust I get closer, and Bella's cries grow louder, under my palm. Her nails dig into the rough denim of my jeans, as she grips my thighs, and urges me on.

I couldn't do this without her strength and need. My dark angel, my Bella is the only one I could share this with. She's my first, and I will be her last.

That last barrier gives way and I slide in even deeper. The bottom of her rib cage scrapes along the inside of my forearm. She's stopped screaming, but her grip on my legs hasn't eased up. A hissing sound coming from the entry wound signals that I've clumsily nicked one of her lungs. I'm so close.

"Hang on, I'm almost there," I beg, shifting forward to push the remaining, precious inches to my goal.

Her eyes plead with me to keep going, giving me strength to reach a little further. My fingertips brush the moist pulsing flesh as my blade slides home. Bella's body jerks hard, and I hold her close. The rhythm of her heart falters as the light in her eyes flares like a dying star. It's beautiful, and blinding.

"Bella!" I cry out her name as pleasure rips through me and plunges me into blackness.

I blink in the dark, shift against the familiar weight of my bedsheets, and slap the switch for my lamp. Harsh unforgiving light stings my eyes, making them water. My room is calm, quiet and empty. I can still taste her on my lips and feel her blood on my skin. I look down at my naked body to see my own ejaculation covering my stomach and hand. _It was just a dream. _

It is one of many that I've had since Bella's pronouncement.

She is so strange. Bella Swan, the mysterious daughter of Charlie Swan, my adoptive father's best friend. I have known him most of my life, and yet I had only just met his daughter this year.

"_I could only get scans of her upper torso without raising her suspicion, but from what I've seen...it's not good." I could hear the strain in Carlisle's voice, even through the thick door to his private office._

_It was risky listening in on his private conversation with Charlie, but I was too curious to resist. _

"_Don't pussyfoot around this, be honest with me," Charlie's voice was hoarse, and heavy with emotion._

"_It's hard to say, Charlie. These injuries look like they could have happened over several years," Carlisle sighed, and a loud thump echoed through the door._

"_Phil! I knew something wasn't right with the bastard!" Charlie's voice raised loud enough that I pulled my head back from the door for a second._

"_You don't understand. You said that Renee's been with him for what, two years?" Carlisle's was so quiet I had to press my face even closer to the door._

"_Yeah, so what?" Charlie growled._

"_Charlie, some of these injuries are much older than that." Carlisle sighed heavily, and I heard the squeak of his chair, signaling that he'd sat down._

_The weight of what he'd told his best friend must have been a great burden._ _My adoptive father's heart was large, and tender. He often felt more compassion than what was healthy, in my opinion. In the case of Bella Swan, I understood his pain for the first time. _

Bella Swan. From the moment that she had walked into my Biology class she'd changed my life. Everything about her was tempting and dangerous. From her haunting eyes and baggy clothing which she used to cover her lovely scars to the cold blooded efficiency with which she took down Mike Newton, who is easily a foot taller than her, after he grabbed her ass.

She was fearless, which turned out to be the one trait that would lead to her death. Despite every attempt I made to dissuade her, Bella seemed determined to get to know me. Eventually, her insane tenacity led her to stumble upon my darkest secret and sealed her fate.

"_Edward?"_

_She stepped into the glimmering sunlight that bathed the meadow in gold. Her dark hair and eyes turned a luminous bronze as she stared at me in unguarded awe. _

"_You're not supposed to be here," I choked past a mouth full of blood and meat as I stood._

_Her eyes sparkled as she stepped closer. I could feel her judgment settle over me, and I closed my eyes for a second. The vision of what I must look like to her overwhelmed me with shame. I could feel the blood, warm and wet, covering my face and chest, making my t-shirt stick to my skin. _

"_I just wanted to talk to you," she spoke in a hushed tone._

_I opened my eyes to see she was stepping into the damp blades of grass that I'd turned crimson with my "work." It was the safe word that I used for it. This wasn't work. It was a necessity, and the only way to keep the rage under control. The only thing that could sate my dark needs, before they took over and someone got hurt._

"_Please don't," I pleaded, putting up my hand, and wiping at my face with the back of my forearm._

_The blade of my knife caught the sunlight, and shot glimmering reflections across her face. Bella stopped, tilting her head to smile at me._

"_Why?" It was such a simple question, and yet it was the most insane response she could have had to this situation._

"_I don't want to hurt you," I said, gesturing to the ravaged remains of the deer at my feet._

"_I'm not afraid," she said with a dismissive shake of her head, and continued to walk closer._

"_Bella," I whispered, stepping backward, but she reached out and touched my hand._

_I froze, transfixed. _

"_How many times have you done this?" She stared down at the blood-smeared blade of my knife, and I fought the urge to wipe the blade clean on my pant leg._

"_Too many to count," I sighed, turning my head away, but she caught my chin, and made me face her again._

"_Just animals?" Her eyes danced with a strange kind of glee as I nodded._

"_Only animals," I whispered._

"_Then I'll be your first," she said it so softly that I wasn't sure I had heard her correctly, until she leaned in close. "And you'll be my last."_

_Her lips brushed against mine for just a second, but it was her words that left me shuddering._

Even now, in the darkness of my room, I am shaken by the conviction of her offer. She made an impassioned argument that left me speechless.

"_Everything in my life has been taken from me without my permission. But how __I__ die is my choice, and I choose you, Edward."_

It has been a week since she made the offer, and I've woken every night since that afternoon in this condition. Every part of me wants to give in to her request. It is my deepest darkest fantasy, but what moves me more is the idea that I could share it with her.

When I think about Bella's dark, haunting eyes a strange pain blooms to life inside me. I can't explain it, but I know that this reaction is the cause of my hesitation to give her an answer. What is it about this girl that she can make me feel...anything.

It's unsettling, and intriguing, just like Bella Swan.

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**Author's Note: **Sex isn't always about love, and violence isn't always about violation.

First I have to thank Chele681 for being my loving and supportive beta. Please do not let the content of this story reflect negatively on her.

I would also be remiss if I didn't thank the lovely lades that are running the Beyond the Pale contest for inspiring me to take a stab (smirk) at this.


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